I have been on the self discovery, self-improvement journey for a few years. I was raised in an addiction run, abusive household and had never been able to find closure no matter what outlet I used for therapy. As long as I can remember I’ve always had a short fuse and explosive temper. As I got older I tried bottling it up, which had the opposite effect. It simply prolonged the inevitable so my triggers became more and more sensitive and easier to trip.
As a child, I had seen the same actions in my father that I was now projecting in my own life and I was beginning to see similarities in my children’s behavior patterns that I had displayed as a child. By the time I crossed paths with Dr. Matt I’d been really good about covering up, I thought, but it was always there underneath the surface and I knew I was doing more harm than good. I knew I had to change for myself, for my wife, and for my children but I felt I had exhausted all other options. Through the weekend I began to feel a little bit of hope even though I felt much of the material was over my head. By the last day I was practically begging Dr. Matt to put me on stage to work on my anger issues and luckily for me he graciously agreed.
When I would have these explosive bursts of angry energy it’s like I was two people at the same time because the whole time I was thinking “this isn’t fixing anything, there has to be a better way to handle this”, yet I couldn’t stop it.
Dr. Matt guided me through an exercise that seemed far too simplistic and minimal to have any kind of impact long term. Yes, I felt better immediately after and through the rest of the course however, I still had my doubts, I didn’t see how that could change who I had been my entire life. The person I believed I would be for the remainder of my life. There were times that my anger issues were so bad that I figured the only way to overcome them was suicide. Luckily, I knew that wasn’t going to fix the issue for my kids , only make it worse.
After leaving the course I went about my life not really noticing much change. I had new knowledge in the way of looking at language and communication with myself and others but I didn’t see how I truly had changed. About three or four weeks after leaving the course I ran into a situation at work that built into a plethora of triggers for me. It was as if the universe was going to just give me a I test, a reality check that not even I could deny the obvious.
After four consecutive bad days at work, right when I was almost to the end of a project, Murphy’s Law kicked in. Everything that could’ve possibly gone wrong went wrong and it was every one of my pet peeves. The moment the entire situation imploded, which was long past the point I normally would’ve exploded, I had no reaction. I simply just rolled with it like it was part of the process. I remember even cracking a slight joke and not getting a response from a colleague who was observing the situation. This person typically laughs at everything and that joke I made in the moment was actually quite funny, so when I got no response it caused me to pause and check in with him. I noticed this bewildered look on his face and I realized what was happening. I began laughing because in that instance I had this huge release, realizing how much had changed and how good that change felt. My friend actually began to panic, thinking I was having a breakdown because I was in such a good mood at the time when he had witnessed the complete opposite so many other times before. Professionally, that was one of the worst weeks I had had but it ended with one of the highest points of my life. I’ve never felt more empowered than I did in that moment or more grateful.
I know I still have a long journey to travel but I look forward to it. I no longer fear the path ahead because I finally see there’s a way, I finally have hope.
I will attend all of Dr. Matt’s courses including re-attending the practitioners course.